Saturday, August 18, 2018

LIFT these three

Until a Creche

My body has grown expensive with light.
Some feelers are searching the garden.
This Japanese lantern.

I have become a Japanese lantern,
that soft light
on the cold, empty patio.
I could cry. Why could I cry?

A glowing at the place where the dark begins.
The rain extinguishes the light. Or could.
My body has grown expensive with light.

When light tumbles out and walks
in the garden, in the cool of the evening.
It is too easy to be intellectual
about a thing like this.

Bang Shut

When I hear the screen door,
So comes the emptying of the house.
My house is empty. Banging shut,
an inadvertence. But perhaps,
I was so young, so young.
I thought no door could bang shut
and not be a name.
The name of emptiness, of emptying.
My house is empty.

Now I will spend the afternoon alone.
There’s not a person in the world
who would believe me. Believe me.
The wire is woven and pushed out
in the corners. That sound of wings.
So angels sing behind the glass,
caught between the screen and the glass
Now I will listen to the angels singing.
There’s not a person in the world
who would believe me. Believe me.

That is what I have to thank the afternoon for:
The banging shut. The angels beating
her terrific wings. This is the thanks
they get. I was so young, so young.
And can I have the heart to leave him
singing for twenty years, for thirty years
in that empty house? This is the thanks
I get.

Wrung Dry My

So when the daily vision of even the ones I love
cuts me like knives.
It cuts me like knives. I am not ordinary.
Today, this week. I am not ordinary.
But that must be a normal feeling.

It makes everything I have done
regrettable. I cannot list them all.
Perhaps I can say
whatever is not here. I am sorry for it.
Whatever is not standing on my tongue.

I have injured everything I have touched,
and many or all of everything else.
When I walked through your tide pool of a heart
and bent over a carefully lifted the things
that looked like life, I was careful,

and I was careful about where I put my feet.
But some things were evidently killed,
some life. No matter how invisible.
I still can’t count them.
Nothing is less alive for being small.

I am wrung.

They don’t mean it. They step carefully.
They lift me with their thumb
and forefinger, like so. The sound of ocean.
It seems to be always bringing something.
But that must be a normal feeling.



 It is time to address where these poems come from. They are an expression of victimization when I was young. Written in a single afternoon reaching back to childhood recalling sounds and the way we pay no attention to the fullness of being that belongs to children. I figured out, thirty years afterward, that I had been set upon by a trusted person and used for their gratification. A common crime. Is it wrong to add this kind of explanation. I could be wrong about this; maybe the poems came from somewhere else. The poem "transitive" is the fourth poem in this series. It is a poem of depression and revenge.

TRANSITIVE



For PB Shelley and W Styron.
“… pierced by the shaft which flies in darkness …” Adonais

1.
The taking and things take other things.
I am softening here in the sun. I am softer.
I am soft. Soft.

Let me tell you the story of Bill.

The gooseflesh ornaments my open soul.
ornament and open. Open soul.
Soul.

Let me tell you the story of Bill.

I left my children without sufficient
food. They feed. They are not sufficiently
feeding.  Lamps.

Let me tell you the story of Bill.

The seduction of property, having and having.
Can this be enough for any given moment?
Any given. Given. Enough?

Let me tell you the story

What hangs like a 40-watt bulb and swings
on a wire that lights it and hurts
hurts like hearts?    Hurt.

Let me tell … Let me … Bill

Someone somewhere is falling somewhere. Someone
somewhere, not here, not me, not me. The thin
thin thin thin.

Let me tell you the story of Bill.

The occasional music of hand and hand. And
hand and hand and hand and hand. The occasional
music of.

Let me tell you … Let me tell.

The sealed envelope of her lips, the letter of her
tongue, the postage eye, the gum of even her least
look: My finger is a knife in that crease.

Let me tell you the story of Bill.

I’ve seen enough of the Ace of Diamonds. I have seen
it enough, enough and enough of the Ace of
Diamonds.

Let me tell you the story of Bill.

The cranzle the slottle the sizeable orf, the tuning
of sissel and shrieking of    of    Why does the
phone ring just when I’ve started?

Let me tell you the story of Bill.

That’s hero falling into my sleep. hero falling
I thought to have avoided this … He  ro    fa   ll   ing
hero into my sleep.

Let me tell you the story of Bill.

The catastrophe which seems to be love. When    and
when again they are always touching me.  Noli
Me tangere … Catastrophe.

Let me tell you the story story.

How often have I been just almost been? Let me
Let me thingg … I have just almost been … the
most recent time was.

Let me    Bill     Let me tell you the story.

But not necessarily in that order, not necessarily,
not when the hand reaches to move me just one
square to the right and two forward.

Let me tell you the story of Bill.

Bill

2.
I am not even alone when I dream.
Who is that who looks into it?
Who is looking into it?

I have moved far from my self and from water.

I thought that when I walked down the street,
I was close to the air, but no.

I am in this chamber. It seems to be
windowed on one side. Everything in the world
has to be in front of me to be in the world.

The blurring of the edges of the sketches of myself.

I cannot keep from originating this gesture I make with
my hand. This one. And there it is again.

And so I see why I am often caught
in a funnel of birds
because those birds are my very own hands.

I have been feeding them and I have been
the woman I see who strolls through
the afternoon park and feeds my hands, which
are her birds.

I cannot think that it means much to her.
Only something to spend a time. But in spite of
the time, they are my hands.

Can the world get darker? It can get darker. When I
close my eyes the world gets darker. I have decided
to close my eyes. World get darker.

Does anyone care that I am only human that I feel
the pressure of the dimmest light? Does anyone care?
Does anyone care, my hands are birds?

When I fly up in the highest sky, when I fly up …
but not today. Not today. I am falling    falling.
I have fallen into my very own pockets.

But this is the slaying and it is the slaying time
and I can see that it is the slaying time and …
where has the time gone?



THEOGRAPHESIS

Hagiography
Sharbel, adolf, rafka, filumena

LUMENA : PAXTE : CUMFI

1.
LUMENA
Arrows, anchor, lance, lilies
Martyr, hope, vicinity, virgin

What does Bonavenia say to Professor Marucchi? (1904-6)
What does Pius VII say to Napoleon? (1802

Preface:
The uses of lives, when put to use.
It is not enough to be enough.
But to act. To do.
from poesis to praxis.
The uses of bones.
The uses of names.
The uses of phials of blood,
which turn to certain precious
stones. To stop the warring,
both carnal and spiritual, finally
and for good.

Butlered, lives.
Excavations and exhumations
of my grief could be grace
from some other life.
Didn’t she cross the alps in a cart
drawn by oxen?
Her servant saying to her chaplain:
She will die of the effort!
But she did not and found something.
And when the casket rested in the house
of the book dealer—Maples—didn’t
the house smell of roses?
The bishop’s little Queen of hEARts.

ONE: the phials of blood.
TWO: the skull
THREE: bones & ashes
FOUR: bones & ashes
FIVE: bones & ashes

THE OPENING OF THE TOMB
Of course, you have seen the original tiles disarranged:

                        LUMENA : PAXTE : CUMFI

with arrows on the first tile,
right to left and bottom to top,
with a branch to the right
of the P, with a lance
upward next to the C.
Below a further inscription:
hi tres lateres ossa
divae philumene v et m.
Next line: xv fere saeculis
tumulata servarunt.
On the righthand side, an anchor,
on the left, a lance.

It was in the papers.
So despite heat,
the crowds came to the
exhumation. Cynics won over
by the miracle of the blood—
turned to precious stones.

The body was whole
for a moment, but
in the air, fell
into 5 pieces.

Fifty years later, Victor Auguste Dechamps,
a former liberal saw it.
He said:
Need I tell you what happiness I saw:
Blood shed for love of virginity …

rubies, emeralds, flakes of gold and silver
suspended in the deep liquid.

The ampullae sealed her.
She was 13.
The stonecutter was
illiterate. He broke the tile
on the right.

In dark times (Pius IX) the gems turn black.

Once she was mocked and the blood
turned to dust for 3 days.
Later the lonely man died
at a dinner party,
unready to meet the girl.

Nightingale, womaning among the war,
she brings us silence:
45% death, 12% death.

I wanted to go to Colombia
but they would not hear of it.
This room. I am besieged by
visitors. Myself lost.

The bishop held the body
in his arms and carried it
to the table where
the women dressed her. The lamp.

They made a new skin
from papier mache.

Occasionally over the years
the body shifts,
reclining back
then pulling forward. As if
flying in her sleep
by some special exertion.
But always returns to its favorite shape.

The box has an ebony frame
and large glass panels.
She sits on the softest cushions.
She lives above the altar.

The scarf around her neck was found
to be soaked
in fresh blood.

lumena.anemul


2.
PAXTE
Cimafonte. Don Giovanni. DIXIT:

A sharp crack broke the slab
of marble down its length.
The finger of the girl
cured it.
She is more seductive than George. Sand. Purity. How many people
have said so? How many people
Have heard that inadvertent laugh
in how many streets?
Those girls crowded at the bazaar
at Balaklava.

Looking over the people,
She blushes, closes her eyes again.

Wax babies on the walls.
Marianna, knowing only, one song ,
Mocked the girl.
Open your eyes for me!

She only knows one song.
And how can you open empty eyes?
One song!
Timid girls were fired.
Fiery girls were chastened.
Open your eyes! One song!

Glass eyes , wax babies, fingers, legs
and the couch on which Madame
was carried over the alps.
an invalid, ex votos.

BULBUL
And coming November 21 to Scutari,
just when the casualties arrived
from Balaklava, the place
where I lay `12 days with fever.
It was there I met Plato and
Pseudo-Denis.

Regarding the health
of the British Army: You can see
by the smell of the wounded,
foul, their hands reach up for something
floating above their pallet,
just out of reach.

I walked alone into England
and retired to my room  for …
I have lost count of the years.
Jowett visited with the Timaeus.
I could suffocate. Lamping.
Lamping.

Cleaning the inches of the bodies
of the young men. I candled
their delirious heads.
I’ve a boy inside.
It is. I have been to Balmoral
and visited the Queen,
wearing her shadows.

In Egypt I met some nuns
Of vincent de Paul. It is warm.
It is all full of news of adventures
In Illium. Stalemate.
Actually paris was beautifully
fallen for a woman
who laughs.

I have never slept with a man,
bed crowded with nightingales, Philomela.
The arrows are from god, the lance
is from god, the anchor
is from god The lilies from god.
My ampullae. Paxte. come.

A woman walked from the smoking car and stepped
on a bomblet. She is the last to die in this desert!
She turned to redmist, not enough to fill an ampullae.
She saw the sand turned to rubies.

3.
CUMFI
He is coming back to his senses and coming back to god …

Just  glance seems to shift love
and break the triangle
or set her in an honored place
and she will care for neglected
children, destitute mothers.

In a dark room, a girl holds
the child against her startled
mother. A nun feels the pressure
on her arm and sees the bruise
for the rest of the day. She
makes silver eyes
for the statue.


“Throw wide your doors and
windows, you girls
who live in the town!”
Today we are harvesting roses.

The story is simple:
She lived in ashes. But wore
Music. Charming.
Her soft skin. No years.
An unguarded laugh. Sounded like rain.
The soldiers clicked.

They had no arrows but their eyes.
They had no lances but their cocks.
They had no anchors but their hands.
They had no lilies but their tongues.

She closed her eyes, then.

Not 13. 12.
Not a bone was broken.
Not only a heart but an EAR.
They seemed louder than storms.

I could think rivers and be buried
Underground for a thousand years.
I have not done anything to deserve
Happiness or holiness. I have laughed.

The soldiers carried her
in their arms to a shadow.
An ebony box. With large windows.
Open your eyes! One song!

I can scream the sharp leaves of an oak
each lighted by separate drops of sun.
But with these metal tongues
we will be silent, her live tongue whispering
at her feet. She reclines silent
in that room for … I have lost count.

Is it is here?
Youva a boy inside!

A splinter of bones. Her story.